So, anyone know who our Captain's gonna be? A young Dwarf with a bright red beard sat on a bench in the now empty area in the middle of the Guilds. He was with three others. A tall Beastman with white fur. He had on light armor and a sword at his side. There was also a heavily armored, brown-haired Elf. He had a large lance tied to his back. The final member was a woman in a full ninja bodysuit. Her long blonde hair flowed out of the back of her mask.
It doesn't really matter. The woman said. We are all fresh out of basic training, I doubt they'd give us any interesting missions.
Wouldn't it be awesome if we ended up with Jocken DeLuc? The Beastman said. Or maybe Mel Alkirk! There are so many amazing people here, I'm so excited!
What are you, some kind of fanboy? The Elf said. Why couldn't I have been paired with a group of my own kind? He said aloud, uncaring of who would hear.
You were teamed up because you all had something unique that I was looking for in my squad. A man with white, shoulder length hair walked towards them. He was clad in a black suit of armor with a silver lining, and had a sword at his side with a beautifully decorated scabbard. He had a no nonsense look on his face. My name is Raiden Loire, and I'm going to be your captain.
THE Raiden Loire! The Beastman said. He went over to shake his hand. Sir, it is an honor to meet you! I've been following you career ever since you defeated Malv-
Shut up! Raiden snapped. While I am your captain I order you all to never bring up those events. Nobody knows what really happened, and nobody ever seems to care about the truth. This is your first and last warning. The Beastman's face sunk.
Yikes. The Dwarf whispered to the Elf. I heard that this guy was tough, but this is ridiculous... Raiden gave him a glare. You could cut the tension with a knife.
I see that you are all prepared. Good. Raiden said. Or first mission begins right away, Everyone looked shocked. Each of you, give me your name and a brief rundown of your abilities so that I can give the briefing.
Well... My name's Franklin, of the Krapfen clan. The Beastman said. I'm a Swordsman. My specialty is taking enemies out in groups, although I'm no good when it comes to one-on-one fights.
The name's Grif. Said the Dwarf. Grif Bouldercrush. I'm a Fire-Adept Black Mage. I'm working towards mastering Enchantment magic.
I am Reina Misteria. The woman said. My Class should be obvious by my attire. I am a Lightning adept who specializes in taking out my opponent silently.
And I am Torydaes Masaes the third. Templar knight of Asorcaia, son of Lord Masaes the mighty, Wielder of the great Kalal Lance, user of the-
I get it. Raiden said. Our first mission together is called 'Operation Safehaven'. As you know, three months ago we were attacked by a then unknown force of the undead. Since then this madman has taken control of nearly all of Aldoon. Our mission is to rescue as many civilians from the city of Haven as possible. We are then going to prepare for reinforcements, and take back the city.
Impossible! Torydaes said. There are millions of undead swarming that godforsaken town. We should just abandon it and try rescuing someplace worthwhile, such as Asorcaia. Raiden walked up to Torydaes and looked him straight in the eyes.
I know that being an Elf gives you a bloated sense of superiority, but I am giving the orders around here. Raiden said. As long as living civilians are trapped there, I will not abandon them. Is that clear? Besides, Asorcaia is under the protection of the Paladin Jherys and the remaining Elven military. They can take care of themselves.
Yes... sir. Torydaes mumbled.
I didn't hear you. Raiden said.
Yes sir! Torydaes bitterly said.
Good. We're leaving immediately, follow me. Raiden said. He walked towards the exit and never looked back. Everyone followed him except for Torydaes.
How dare he disrespect me like that. He said to himself in Elvish.
Put away your pride for this, Elf. Reina, who was also behind, said. Trust the captain and you might survive this.
Tch, what do you know Human? Torydaes replied. Every second I stay here, I regret volunteering to aide you fools. Torydaes eventually caught up as they marched to a small outpost on the outskirts of Haven.
Haven was once a great city populated mostly by Humans. It was hit hard by the Necromancer because of it's large population and to block supplies to other armies. Now the town is bleak and rundown. Only a few buildings are left standing, and those are guarded by heavily armored Skeleton Knights. Thousands of zombies roam the streets looking for survivors that they can add to their army.
Alright, listen up. Raiden said. His squad had settled in the lonely outpost, preparing to strike. Although our primary objective is to safely escort any survivors out of the city, our secondary mission is to set up a base inside the city and keep safe until reinforcements come.
How long until the reinforcements come? Franklin asked.
About twelve hours from now. Raiden said.
What? There's no way we can last that long. Grif said. We don't even have a healer!
We do, he's just not fond of the battlefield. Raiden said. He opened a cabinet to reveal five bags. He tossed one to each of his soldiers and kept one for himself. Each bag contains two health potions and a Mana potion, they were made by Fredrich Elleson himself. Be sure to conserve them. They are extremely potent, a little bit goes a long way.
Potions personally brewed by Fredrich Elleson! Franklin was extremely excited. I can't believe it! This is amazing! How did you get these!?
He owed me a favor. Raiden nonchalantly said. Alright, we need to get started. Reina, your job is the most important. You are going to sneak through the city to find out where the civilians are being kept. You won't be alone, we already have an agent inside as we speak. He should be with the civilians and, knowing him, will most likely only help you when you're desperate to keep up the disguise.
Understood. Reina said. Can you tell me his name?
Sorry, but I can't do that. Raiden said. I can't take the chance that someone might be listening in on us.
What are your plans for us? Torydaes said.
We are to be a distraction. Raiden said. We are going to draw all of the enemies to us in order to aide Reina.
That's madness! Torydaes yelled. We'll be killed in no time!
I have to agree with the Elf. Grif said. What you're saying is suicide.
We've been monitoring the area for months. Raiden said. What we have discovered is that almost all of the enemies in the area are Class One Zombies. Class One Zombies are simple reanimated corpses with no mind of their own. All they know is the hunt for food, our flesh. They have little to no fighting skill. They are also highly vulnerable to flames, that's where you come in Grif.
I see. A devilish grin swept across Grif's face. All of the pieces are falling into place.
The only other known enemies in the area are Skeleton Knights and Elite Skeleton Knights. Raiden said. The Elite Knights are a handful, even for me. They are also identical to the other skeletons. Their weakness is that they only follow one order at a time. Their orders are to guard the civilians. With the zombies and Knights distracted, only the Elites will remain at their posts, revealing where the civilians are being kept.
I still do not like this plan. Torydaes said. They must have some kind of trap set up. It can not be as easy as you have described.
Did I ever say it would be easy? Raiden said. We will eventually get worn down, but by then the reinforcements should arrive.
Who is coming to help us? Franklin asked.
I'm not sure. said Raiden. Most likely Captain Eblan's squad. He usually enjoys these kinds of missions. Alright, if there aren't anymore questions, let's get going. The squad gets ready and head outside the gates of the city. Reina jumps the gates onto the roof of a building. Franklin and Torydaes draw their weapons. A bright red aura surrounds Grif's staff. Raiden walks in front of them and slashes a zombie in half. Let's get started.














Comments
Cant wait for the next chapter
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The truth is where the sculptor's chisel chipped away the lie
Click here to help me out -> [link]
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Never Give Up! Never Surrender!
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The truth is where the sculptor's chisel chipped away the lie
Click here to help me out -> [link]
--
Never Give Up! Never Surrender!
You kind of jump between past and present tense.
Another sort of general comment, but you seem pretty intent on constantly reminding us that we're reading a Fantasy story. It makes a lot of it seem kind of unnatural. This might be one of those flow problems I first mentioned. Honestly, I'm not that great at giving critique outside of spelling/grammar.
Repeating the word "said" a lot, which gets a little stale.
Sorry if I seem nitpicky; I try to help people improve which can't really be done in the usual hugbox that is deviantart. The basic premise is sort of interesting, but it just gets bogged down. To be fair though, you've got a leg up on a lot of the community with correct spelling and mostly good grammar.
Not sure what you mean by "constantly reminding us that we're reading a Fantasy story" though, care to elaborate?
Also, I think the story suffers a bit because the previous installment isn't available on DA. I wrote it years ago and I've been trying to re-write it using advice similar to what you've given me.
Thanks again for the comment!
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The truth is where the sculptor's chisel chipped away the lie
Click here to help me out -> [link]
While none of these things are all that bad in themselves, combining them like this makes me feel like I'm reading someone's D&D campaign instead of an original story.
Growing up I loved reading DnD books. These stories are inspired by my love of them and every other RPG I've played.
While the rest of your advice was good, this is the one thing I won't change.
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The truth is where the sculptor's chisel chipped away the lie
Click here to help me out -> [link]
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